No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. — C.S. Lewis
“So what is it?” I asked the doctor.
“Either mono or leukemia,” he said.
For twelve days, my prayer life went through the roof, as I struggled to find stability in a situation where I had no control, no certainty, and nothing on earth that could contain my fear. Over and over I begged Jesus to do something, that He would be
enough for me. It was my son who was in question, after all—our elementary-aged Cameron. His life was teetering on the brink of the unknown and there was nothing I could do about it.
Well, maybe one thing:
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7)
During those two weeks I was suspended in the fog of uncertainty and fear. During those days I learned to pray, “Jesus, I trust You with the next 30 minutes. I know a whole bunch of stuff is going to happen, and I give it to you.” 31 minutes
later I’d add, “Jesus I give you the next 30 minutes...”
Sometimes, big problems affect my concentration. Instead of just fighting through it, I’ll take out my journal and I’ll write my thoughts down so I can capture them on the page and take them to Christ. I say, “Jesus, I’m officially
giving this stuff to You. Be enough for me and take away my worry. Your will be done.”
After twelve days, Cameron’s blood showed that he had mono. While we were hugely relieved, I learned again what it means to be fully honest with God.
Satan’s arrows will come, but God has given you the shield of faith.
Lord, many are saying of my soul, “There is no deliverance for him in God.” But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, My glory, and the One who lifts my head. I am crying to You, the LORD, with my voice. You have answered me from Your holy mountain. Selah. (from Psalm 3:3-4)
Taken from Pete’s 365-day devotional book Experiencing LIFE Today.